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that she makes the sun jealous.

yo mamma so old she saw passion of the christ live

Three couples went in to see the minister about becoming new members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newly married.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.

The retired couple said it was no problem at all.

The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that it was no problem.

The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

”Can of PAINT!” exclaimed the minister.

”Yeah,” said the newlywed man. ”She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over.”

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

”That’s okay,” said the man. ”We’re not welcome in Home Depot either.”

What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl?

A cock that stays up all night!

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.

(Q)what did the alien say to the book?

(A)take me to your reader!

The Elefant said to the camel “why do you have boobs on your back” and the camel said “its a stupid Question” and then the camel says to the elefant “at least i dont have a dick on my face! ha ha ha!!!”

 

 that when she jumped for joy she got stuck

 

she thought a quarterback was a refund!!

how is a soyburger like a dildo?they”re subsitutes for meat!!                                                                                   

yo mamma so poor she hangs toilet paper out to dry.

 

One night Sandra woke up and herd a voice saying”I’m gonna get you!” so she goes down stairs and she hears the voice again “im gonna get you!”so she goes into the kitchen and hears it again”im gonna get you!”she opens the cupboard and opens a box in the cupboard and see’s her brother picking his nose!!!!!!!!ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww 

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he’s lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep doo-doo now!” Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. “Whew!”, says the leopard, “That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!”

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?”, but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.

“Where’s that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story…. Don’t mess with old farts…age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.